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Blood.....Math

January 5, 2009

Pregame

There was blood in the air.  I could smell it.  Literally!   First thing I hear is "Call 911! Call 911! He is passed out!" So naturally I take a peak on the other side of the tent that we were tail gating at and the first thing that greets me is the bugged out eyes of my buddy " Large ".  A puddle of Cardinal red blood growing under his head, mixed with some bugged out voodoo eyes equals PANIC to me. 

So I suggest to the group of 7 people in the area that I am going to go get security! Buzz kill! One of the tailgaters there, let's call him James, stops me and says, "NO!  Not yet. He will be alright."   I'm thinking to myself James must be crazy. Alright?  Dude is looking like Roy Jones Jr. after Glen Johnson got a hold of him in 2004.  

In the meantime,  my buddy Barry, a disabled vet in a wheelchair, rolls by me with the determination of a man about to dump a murder weapon.  Needless to say,  your boy the Ki-Olumnist is stunned.  It is 30  minutes before the kickoff to the Cardinals first home game in 60 years and I don't know if I am in the middle of an attempted homicide or what?! 

So Barry rolls back, smirks and says that he can't handle "light weights".  Apparently,  Large indulged a little bit too much. Hey all I know is whatever he did made him fall straight back and bust his head smooth open in the University of Phoenix Stadium's parking lot.  

I guess Barry had to rid the scene of whatever they were doing on that Blood side of the  van. EMT rushes over and apply some medical attention to Large's severe head wound.  Do you know what  he had the nerve to say? "I am NOT missing this game!" 

Large is dripping blood and all wild eyed.  Little did he know I was already plotting on asking Barry to give me
Large's ticket so we can sell it before the game starts. That's my hustler's instinct.  But in this case it isn't to make a profit, I just
didn't want them to lose any money. 

To make a Large story smaller,  Large recovers in enough time to make it to their seats right after kickoff. Its game time! I enter the gates,  grab a stadium issued white towel and head on down to my seat, near the Red Zone, row 9.  The field is entirely covered by a 100 yard long, waving U.S. Flag.  The lights dim,  fireworks pop,  rock music blares, and introductions begin. All of the waving white towels and screaming fans gave me the goose pimples. 

I like how the Cardinals do it.  Play what you know, don't try to be hip and act like you know hip hop.  Just cue up those rock songs that all of us Guitar Hero playing Americans love, and you generate a unified emotion of confidence.  I wasn't even nervous at this point.  The Cards are about to do it.  There was a buzz in the stadium.  A white buzz!  Because all of those white towels that the stadium handed out shedded this white insulation type of debris.  It sure didn't help the offense at first.  The first series,  Cards went 3 and out.

Oh no….  Kurt looks shook out there. 

My buddy Kev that I went to the game with agrees.  Kev is a story in itself.  I use to work with him, but he left for another job and greener pastures.  Let's just say my production at work has increased since his departure.

Falcons first series,  and I glare over our defensive line with my binoculars to take a peek at Matt Ryan's eyeballs.  I think to myself, that looks familiar.  He had  "Large " eyeballs!  The noise and the white buzz had Matty Ice melting out there.  3rd play of their drive results in  a inter-my-ception. Tsk, tsk, tsk.... Large Eye Ry tried to throw into triple coverage.  Sawry.

Cards get the ball back,  Edge starts punching it up the gut.  Bomb to Fitz, TOUCHDOWN! Cards are looking like a real team right now. Is Coach Wiz a genius?  Did he purposely hide Edge all year to unleash him during the playoffs.  It kinda makes sense.  Cards had this division on padlock since Election Day. I am a WIZ fan real bad.

Large Report: 

At half time I get the word that they had to drop Large off at the corner of 99th and Bethany.  His sister came and picked up the human bleeding baton.  Note to Large: You were a trooper Large , you left your mark. I will be checking for your stains the next game.

Halftime approaches: 

Atlanta fans in my section start to get rowdy after they put up 14 unanswered to take a 17-14 halftime lead. Cards fans in my section start getting pride and talking some heated trash. They made those dirty birds temporarily migrate. I even started talking a little trash, all in fun of course.  Security came,  ironed things out and dirty birds were sitting on their hands from that point on.  One even left. 

2nd Half starts: 

All in all,  it was a Cardinal Fan party.  Rolle interception here.  The crowd causing false starts there.  The referee talking directly to an irate
crowd, "There was no intentional grounding on the play".  We were a factor in this game. Us fans did our thing. I had more fun than I did in a long time. Was the tickets worth the cost? I told Kev that we basically spent $1 per play.  Sounds like a bargain when you think about it like that huh?

4th Quarter (Soak time):

Cards are up 30-17. If the Cards lose this game,  I might not ever recover.  I will pull a Joe Liebermann and turn my back on this Cardinal Party.  Oh oh, 4 minutes and 20 seconds left and the score is 30-24. 

Roddy White closes the gap. Large's well being also enters my mind for some reason?  I got hummingbird heart now.  The Atlanta fans in my section start to squawk a little more.  The one who flocked earlier, returned with his bird chest sticking out. The Cards resort back to the run.  Let's run some time out. We start grinding. 2 minutes and some change left in the game.  Kurt slings a 23 Yard pass for a FIRST DOWN deep in Falcon territory!! 

The crowd detonates! Is this the opposite of what it usually feels like now?  I look at the 3 little Falcon fans in our section.  They look like they are 3 feet tall now.  I motion to them like a flight attendant to move down the aisles.  He replies,  it ain't over yet!  Oh yes it is.  First down with 2 minutes to go and no time outs.  It's MATH!!  You can't win.  A couple in front of us with their Cardinal gear are leaving to beat the traffic  I look at Kev like should we go,  and without asking,  he replied to me:

"Dude,  if we leave this game,  we will not remember how we beat traffic.  But we will remember this celebration.  Let's soak this in." Agreed.

Kurt kneel,  Kurt kneel.  Wiz gets soaked.

It's MATH!!!

by the Ki-Olumnist