March 10, 2009

 

First ting first, I Ki-Olumnist, walked down the aisle. Smiles, everyone...smile! I just got back from Irie Isle and every little ting, went quite alright! The wedding was lovely, food extraordinary and scenery tropictastic. The only mishap was there was a mix up in the sand ceremony. You know when the bride and groom pour their individual sand into a unity vase? Well they wrapped and shipped another recently married couple’s vase with their sand in it to us. I don’t know what is weirder, them having a piece of our wedding or the fact that we are in possession of a symbol of a stranger’s love? Besides that, everything else could not have been better. Thank you all for your well wishes and emails.

 

Even though I love Jamaica and what it will always mean to me, it is good to be back. Holmes sweet Holmes.

Since I been gone, the Suns record was 2-4 and they slipped two games in the playoff race. The Arizona Cardinals are still just the NFC Champions. And my University of Arizona hoops squad did not win a game until I was cheering them on from my couch the afternoon of March 7^th vs. Stanford.

 

Hmm....that’s it! It’s my absence, that is the reason the Suns are falling off. The solution is for me to head up to my favorite sports bar the morning of Sunday March 8^th, and be the difference why the Suns will beat the evil Spurs. I am expecting a crowded house and a bar full of jerseys, all of us in unison hating on those Spurs. My expectations were met with reality. No one cares about the Suns anymore. The bar was not empty, but the focus of the bar was on the off track horse betting and not whether the local professional basketball team can beat our rival. Not a ONE Suns jersey in the house.

 

It looks as if this rivalry is dead. Not dead like the Tupac vs. Biggie rivalry, but just over because there is no longer any competition. We do not deserve to be the Spur’s rival.<sigh>

 

Speaking of rivalries, you all have to check out the emotion that Jamaican Dancehall fans invest in the Klash between Mavado vs. Vybz Kartel. Hands down, this is the biggest talk on the island and the event took place last August! They are STILL debating who won. Personally, I like Kartel. Check out the song he recorded a mere 3 hours after the Klash: Don’t Run (Last Man Standing). He says that Mavado ran from the stage. "He run like a wounded dog, broke Usain’s record! Don’t run..." Please check out YouTube and all of the videos on Kartel vs. Mavado. This has taking up 51% of my day since I been back.

 

Anyway, I guess it’s time to talk about the Suns now. Well like Bartender Brandon says, they suck. But not the typical definition of that phrase. I describe it more as they suck all of the energy from you. It is exhausting being a Suns fan.

By halftime of the game I was writing them off. If your team was down by 13 points to the Benjamin Buttons, and only went to the free throw line 4 times while Tony Longoria continually drives down the Wisteria Lane, you would be desperate too.

 

But most importantly what I noticed about the Suns is our inconsistent 3 point shooting. One thing D’Antoni brought to this team was a fearlessness about shooting. How can a team be ranked 5^th in the league in 3 pt field goal percentage, only be ranked 19^th in field goal attempts? On the other hand, Coach D’Antoni’s Knicks take the most 3 pointers, but only have the 15^th highest percentage. Coach D promotes shooting and his players feel free under his system. Did you catch Nate Robinson’s latest  scoring spree. Since the All Star break he has averaged 25.4 points, 5.1 rebounds, 4.6 assist, 49.1% FG and 43.4% 3FG.  All in 32 minutes a game!

 

Kryptonate stated that D’Antoni challenges every player on his team to score 30! Now that is what I call instilling confidence in your team. The Suns lack that.

 

Speaking of Kryptonate, don’t you think that he should have considered Mr. Mxyzptlk as his alter ego to defeat Superman? (Geek Alert) Dwight Howard would have had to trick him into saying Nosnibor Etan to go back to the 5^th dimension!

 

But what do the Suns have to do to go back to the dimension that we grew to love and get excited about? I don’t think the answer is in the 2009 draft. I have a feeling that the Suns will get a mid teen pick and we will be debating over Darren Collison, Ty Lawson, Stephen Curry and A.J. Price.

 

Neither of those guys can stop Tony Parker in the last 2 minutes of Sunday’s game. Because we all know that Nash can’t do it. Nash plays defense like I do at 35 years old. We both try to get cheap steals because we know the angles and we love to face guard. But even if Nash and the Ki-Olumnist was out there guarding Parker, he would have still scored 24 points on us.

 

That whole 4^th quarter was so typical Spurs, except they did it without Manu Ginobli or Tim Duncan. Them Spurs was showing off their championship caliber experience on us. It was like they were using us to gain confidence on their bench. It did not matter that the Suns overcame a 13 point deficit, brought it within 3 points with 1:18 left, the Spurs remained cool.

 

It all hurts, but the following example is what hurts the most. Coach Pop decided to play Kurt Thomas the majority of the 4^th quarter. At the same time, Coach Gentry was resting Shaq. Coach Pop put Tim Duncan back in with about 2 minutes left, and Coach Gentry failed to counteract with Shaq immediately. For some reason, he did not put Shaq in until 55 secs left. Way too late. Suns lose again. With this type of coaching we might as well gave the interim coaching job to local favorite Dan Majerle. Do you think it would have hurt?

 

Suns lost another close one to the Spurs. 98-93. Except this time is felt different. This is not my team. It all feels weird. It was like receiving a vase with sand poured in by another couple.

 

The Ki-Olumnist

 

The Klash